I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
