I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
