ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
