i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
