I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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