and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize