Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
