what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
