I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
