So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
