I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
