I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
