I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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