the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
We are two peas in an std pod
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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