OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
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