Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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