I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
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