everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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