I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize
