i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize