That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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