i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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