just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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