I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
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