youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
