we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
