Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
