How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
