I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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