Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
