he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Panties = found
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
