I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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