just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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