The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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