my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
