So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
