I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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