The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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