Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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