Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
