Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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