The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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