you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
