Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
