Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
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