just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
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