i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
