I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
My ass is underappreciated
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
