so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
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