i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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