Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
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