so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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