they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
