I like my sex mixed with concussions.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
