What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
