never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
