Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
