I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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