She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
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