Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
