We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
