oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
