y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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