Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
